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deep within me
maybe its love
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Thursday, 5 February 2009 im sorry guys. i feel damn awful inside now and i know i got to let this out. this gonna be a hell lot of my thots. it takes me very long to think if i should post it or not. :/ sadly, there is no one i could really talk to abt all of this and someone to understand me. everytime i blog about smth upsetting, i noe many around me will step out and show their concern for me, tags with "im there for u" and stuff, messages asking if im fine. yesyes. i do know i have really awesome caring friends around me. but who can i really talk to abt personal matters and things dat are way too complicated.. how many will ever understand how u really feel? how many will actually be those who listen without judging u after listening? how many.. thanks utmost love for listening to some parts of it. and i noe u are one of them who dont judge me for wad i did. thanks. but i noe u have ur own troubles and i dont wish to bother u with my stuff. sometimes i think im too good at hiding my feelings. no one really can see that many things are happening around me and affecting me like crazy. i kept quiet. i kept things to myself. i always pretended i wasnt affected at all when its is. i pretended im fine when its hurting so badly inside. no one noes. i think im going crazy. u will see me all well on e surface..but deep inside im nt. for i dont just tell anyone wad im really thinking inside or how im really feeling. im sensitive and definitely not a straight forward person. another thing. as mentioned. ALOT of things had happened. so dont just ASSUME its wad u are thinking abt. and dont think u noe. :/ i hate being confronted at. especially when its things so personal. i really really dread having to answer to someone for smth i dint have to. why cnt i have my personal space to say wad i want without being asked, "hey, wads with the... or wads with ur blog entry.." if i dint post a clear cut entry, obviously it wasnt meant for u to understand. obviously only i will be the only want who FULLY understand it. so please dont assume or confront me abt my blog post. i wouldnt mind if u were just caring abt me.. but i hate it when there is a motive behind it. for like ur own purpose. first u say u re just concern abt me. then u say u wante clarify things after knowing wad happened. everything happened so fast and i dont see this coming AT ALL. before i could get anything into my mind..u asked for an answer. i was left dumbfound. wad am i to say? how will everything be like after wad i said. all i noe is my eyes were filled with tears, and im in fear of wad to say next. i need time to recover. the other u. u just left me hanging there.. i dont know wads going on.. maybe u have given up on me. and it just make me feel like im right, to u, im just like a substitute. to whom it may concern. u guys say u will wait. im scared of this word alr. WAIT. it just give me pressure. i dont noe how long u will have to wait for me. i dont know if i will still choose u in e end. i dont know what the future is like. i dont want things to happen in such a case where u waited long for me and i left for another guy in e end.. having u to feel like u wasted ur time on me.. and me feeling gulity towards u. all i want to say is.. i wont get myself into any relationship at the time being. i know im nt ready for it. idk if i sounded selfish. but i know i need to take this time to think over love matters carefully. let nature take its course. IM STILL FEELING DAMN AWFUL INSIDE! HELP! singlehood. |
LA BAMBINA
♥Im just an average girl next door ♥TP is my lovely second home ♥bluesuki2003@hotmail.com ♥Gemini ♥19 ♥sports, dance, music, sleeping ♥white&turquoise ♥family&friends ♥animals ♥im NICE & its so in my name! :D flash me a smile my friend and i will flash u mine! :) i wanne be the only hand you need to hold on to. & you know u're the one who keeps me smiling with those dimples. :) dancebabydance leave a note
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